Silently Obnoxious
by butterfly-truths
Summary: Of course, only America could find a way to still drive Canada up a wall without having to utter a single word. Established CanAme.


Silently Obnoxious

"Alfred come on, we have to head over to the UN soon," Matthew called from the bathroom where he currently had all of his hair products laid out- getting that 'silky French' look he'd perfected didn't just happen overnight after all. From the bedroom Alfred was silent, still hunkered down underneath the comforter.

Matthew figured that his southern neighbor was still tuckered out after last night. Being that it was June the Stanley Cup Finals were concluding, and Matthew had been left in despair since he hadn't been able to get his hands on any tickets to any of the games- even though one of his own teams was in the final two!

He'd resigned himself to watching the last game of the series from his couch up in Toronto with his bear and a pint of vanilla ice cream with maple syrup drizzled on top when Alfred had suddenly called and demanded Matthew get his ass to Boston as soon as he could.

He still didn't know how Alfred had managed his hands on them, but upon walking inside the house, his counterpart had shoved a Canucks jersey in his hand along with his ticket (Alfred had remained annoyingly mum on how much he'd paid for them though it must have cost a small fortune since they were _good_ seats) and told him they were leaving in ten minutes for the Garden.

What had transpired within the next few hours (since naturally it went into double overtime, nearly gave him a heart attack too) was the single loudest, craziest, most insane hockey game he'd ever witnessed. Of course, he and the rest of the hockey community would expect nothing less from a Game 7 between the Boston Bruins and Vancouver Canucks but _holy shit_ had it been _intense_.

Alfred had been dressed from head to foot in black and gold to represent his team and the two of them alternated between screaming at the refs whenever they called a penalty on their team, screaming at each other (usually over whether the penalty was deserved or one of the players got away with a dirty hit), and jumping up and down (while screaming) like five year olds when their team scored.

In conclusion: it was _epic_.

Though of course Matthew spent the ride home sulking while Alfred gloated with vicious glee after his team had lost in double overtime (damn Boychuk and his ability to snipe accurately from the blue line). Still though it had been a crazy awesome night, even if he did get a bit of beer spilled on his shoulder, and he had showed his appreciation to Alfred many, many times over- and if Alfred limped around the following day or so, well, Matthew certainly wasn't complaining.

Growing irritated with Alfred's silence, just because he was tired didn't mean he could skip out on a meeting even if they were rather pointless usually, Matthew quickly finished his hair before marching into the bedroom, eyeing the lump underneath the comforter.

"Wake up sunshine~" he sang mockingly as he ripped the comforter off. Alfred's eyes immediately flew open and he shot forward in a vain attempt to reclaim his blankets, a garbled whine escaping him.

"Don't be such a baby," Matthew chided. "We have to leave in twenty minutes, so pull yourself together." He watched him opened his mouth, most likely to whine, but nothing came out. Matthew just assumed that he was trying to think up a plausible excuse for not going, and crossed his arms with a sigh as he stared Alfred down, even starting to tap one foot impatiently.

He watched as Alfred's eyebrows rose in surprise before furrowing and confusion flit across his face as he opened his mouth and attempted to speak again. Nothing but a weak hiss escaped and at this Matthew seemed to catch on to his dilemma.

"Al, are you okay?" he asked. He shook his head, pointing to his throat. "You can't talk?"

Alfred nodded and Matthew couldn't help but grin. Who would have thought, the United States of America forced to finally be silent for once?

"It seems that miracles really do come true," Matthew teased, laughing as he dodged a pillow thrown his way by a clearly disgruntled American. Though this did beg the question of how he was going to be able to do anything at the meeting when he couldn't say one word. A thought popped into Matthew's head. Yeah, that'd probably work.

"Alright, then I guess you're just gonna have to use sign language then." It wasn't anything uncommon for the two of them to do. It was their own little way of communicating across the table during meetings when they were separated without disrupting whoever was speaking. Only the two of them knew it though, so he supposed that for today he'd have to be Alfred's mouth… ugh that just didn't sound right.

Alfred nodded in agreement, quickly bringing his hands up to sign that he'd be ready to go in ten. With that he got out of bed, Matthew catching him wincing and gently patting his lower back.

 _Oh shut up,_ Alfred signed as he laughed, causing him to only laugh more as he stalked into the bathroom, loudly slamming the door shut. A few seconds later he could hear the water running. Matthew decided that while he was up he'd make him something to eat since knowing Alfred he'd cause them to run late otherwise. He just finished putting butter and jelly on the toast as Alfred wandered into the kitchen, dressed in a light blue dress shirt and damp hair.

 _Thanks babe,_ Alfred signed with a smile as he grabbed the food and ate, his bright and bubbly mood back after the minor setback earlier. Once he was finally ready (Alfred making sure to complain about all of Matthew's 'girly hair products' getting in his way) they piled into Alfred's car and drove into New York.

Driving in had been a bit of a nightmare since even mute Alfred loved to talk. Matthew was constantly glancing back and forth between the highway and Alfred as he tried to get his attention and attempt to hold a conversation. He'd gotten honked at ten times and nearly rear ended someone twice before he snapped and yelled at Alfred to kindly shut up- and no the irony was not lost on him.

They made it to the UN building without any accidents and even with five minutes to spare before the meeting started though so Matthew took the victory as he and Alfred walked to the meeting room- well Matthew walked, Alfred practically bounced while waving like an idiot at the people walking by. They were the last two to arrive and Matthew smiled sheepishly at the annoyed glances he received as Alfred led them to their seats. Thankfully, they had been paired next to each other- probably per Alfred's request seeing as they were on American soil even if the UN building was technically considered international grounds -so it would be easier for the two of them to communicate.

The real problem was that Alfred was slated to present today and obviously that wasn't happening. He couldn't simply back out of it either since they were on a tight schedule and being a world power and all meant that he _had_ to contribute something to the discussion. So after a lot of one-sided whisper-arguing Matthew gave in and accepted that he'd have to do the talking for Alfred. So while Arthur was droning on about something that honestly Matthew didn't care in the least about, Alfred handed Matthew his notes that he was supposed to present so that the northern nation could familiarize himself. Thankfully a lot of it was information that he already knew somewhat. Thank god for shared borders and close governments and all that. Matthew nearly started when Ludwig called out Alfred's name for the next presentation.

Alright he could do this.

Getting a thumbs up and goofy smile from Alfred, Matthew stood up and made his way to the podium. Naturally, everyone was looking at him with varying degrees of confusion as he set Alfred's notes down.

"I know that America is supposed to be presenting, but because of, ah, certain circumstances he can't talk currently," Matthew explained. Everyone spun around in their seat to stare Alfred down, who nodded and shrugged sheepishly.

"Ohohohon I bet he lost it while crying out in pleasure as he-"

" _Francis_!" Matthew shouted, face bright red in mortification. Of course his former guardian simply _had_ to go there... though in hindsight that may have contributed to it a little...

Francis merely glanced up at the Canadian and shrugged with a smile. Meanwhile Alfred had paled and then turned bright red as the implications sank in. Of course this was the one day he had decided to read the atmosphere. Matthew cleared his throat, trying to calm himself down, and started to present Alfred's notes. Everyone seemed to be paying attention to him for the most part, except for Alfred that is.

Being left speechless and therefore out of the center of attention made for a bored Alfred. A bored Alfred made for disaster.

 _Mattie, hey, hey Mattie! Mattttiiiieeeee,_ Alfred signed, pouting as his northern counterpart tried to ignore him and just finish up with the speech. Alfred was not to be deterred though. Besides it was obvious that Matthew was missing a few key points that Alfred must've not written down and he was more than happy to inform him of them. He watched with silent glee as Matthew's seemingly infinite patience ran out.

"What Alfred?" the Canadian snapped. Everyone glanced back at him as he signed away.

"No," Matthew deadpanned.

Alfred pouted.

"I said no Al! Why? Because it's ridiculous! No- no I don't care if Tony really could build a super robot- now that's just off topic!" Matthew sighed in annoyance as Alfred kept signing away. He was starting to regret not pulling the sick card and letting Alfred stay home.

"Wha- no Alfred I'm not going to say that! Because unlike you I actually get along with Iva- no I'm not going Red you idiot!" Matthew glared at Alfred, who was alternating between looking at him and glaring at Russia.

 _Come on Mattie it's not that hard. Just call him a commie bastard! God you're such a pansy, just like the Canucks,_ Alfred taunted. Just as he predicted Matthew bristled like a wet cat.

"Don't you dare start Al," Matthew warned, his tone dark. He was still emotional over the loss and god damn he knew that Alfred was manipulating him just to get a rise out of him and dammit _it was working_. Alfred grinned and the nations watched as he signed away, glancing at Matthew to watch him turn progressively redder- the meeting completely forgotten at this point.

"Alfred F. Jones if you don't shut up I swear I'll fuck you with rake!" Matthew exploded.

Alfred just kept grinning.

Then everyone watched with varying degrees of shock as Matthew flew off the podium and over to Alfred and flung him out of his seat and over his shoulder. Muttering about 'reaffirming geographical borders' and 'how he wasn't a pansy' Matthew stormed out of the room. Just before leaving Alfred shot everyone one of those shit-eating grins he was so fond of and possessively grabbed Matthew's ass, causing his northern neighbor to jump slightly in surprise before the door closed on them.

Silence descended upon the remaining countries, nobody being quite sure about what exactly had just happened.

"Bloody North Americans," Arthur grumbled.


End file.
